Khud apni Khabar ko maiN-John RP nadir shahjahaNpuri

For word meanings and explanatory discussion in English click on the tabs marked “Roman” or “Notes”.

خود اپنی خبر کو میں ۔ جان رابرٹ پال نادرؔ شاہجہاں پوری

۱

کیا روؤں دل کو اور کیا پیٹوں جگر کو میں

برباد کر چکا ہوں بھرے گھر کے گھر کو میں

۲

اے شمع تیرے ساتھ بُجھوں گا سحر کو میں

دل سوز ہو گیا ہوں ترا رات بھر کو میں

۳

اُٹھ کر بھی اِس جہاں سے اُٹھاؤں نہ سر کو میں

سنگِ حرم سمجھ لوں ترے سنگِ در کو میں

۴

آنکھوں میں تجھ کو رکھ کے بھی محرومِ دید ہوں

جیسے کہ دیکھتا نہیں اپنی نظر کو میں

۵

اِس ڈر سے اُن سے خط و کتابت نہ ہو سکی

مکتوبِ شوق دوں کہ نہ دوں نامہ بر کو میں

۶

پہنچا ہے لے کے ایسی جگہ پر جنونِ عشق

جس جا ترس رہا ہوں خود اپنی خبر کو میں

۷

اتنا تو دے الہیٰ کہ کافی ہو عمر بھر

کھاؤں گا کتنے روز غمِ مختصر کو میں

۸

پروانو تم ہی نالہ کرو، شمع تو ہی رو

لاؤں کہاں سے بہرِ عزا نوحہ گر کو میں

۹

جاتی ہے عاجزی سے میری اہلِ زر کی آب

دیتا ہوں مات خاک سے اکسیر گر کو میں

۱۰

غربت میں رہتے رہتے زمانہ گزر گیا

گھر میرا مجھ کو بھول گیا اور گھر کو میں

۱۱

قسمت میں ہی لکھی ہے جدائی جب آپ سے

کیونکر مٹاؤں نقشِ قضا و قدر کو میں

۱۲

اُٹھتی ہے جس طرف بھی نظر تُو ہے رو بہ رو

تجھ سے نظر بچاؤں تو دیکھوں کدھر کو میں

۱۳

مایوسیِ شفا پہ شفا کی امید ہے

تشخیص کیا کروں مرضِ چارہ گر کو میں

۱۴

دشتِ جنوں سے لوٹ کے شائد نہ آسکوں

اپنے گلے لگا تو لوں دیوار و در کو میں

ख़ुद अपनी ख़बर को मैं – जॉन रॉबर्ट पॉल नादर शाहजहांपूरी

क्या रोऊं दिल को और क्या पीटूं जिगर को मैं

बरबाद कर चुका हुं भरे घर के घर को मैं

अए शम’अ तेरे साथ बुझूंगा सहर को मैं

दिल-सोज़ हो गया हुं तेरा रात भर को मैं

उठ कर भी इस जहां से उठाऊं न सर को मैं

संग-ए हरम समझ लुं तेरे संग-ए दर को मैं

आंखौं में तुझ को रख के भी महरूम-ए दीद हुं

जैसे के देखता नहीं अपनी नज़र को मैं

इस डर से उन से ख़त ओ किताबत न हो सकी

मक्तूब-ए शौक़ दूं के न दूं नामाबर को मैं

पहुंचा है ले के ऐसी जगह पर जुनून-ए इश्क़

जिस जा तरस रहा हुं ख़ुद अपनी ख़बर को मैं

इतना तो दे इलाही के काफ़ी हो उम्र भर

खाऊंगा कितने रोज़ ग़म-ए मुख़्तसर को मैं

परवानो तुम हि नाला करो, शम’अ तू हि रो

लाऊं कहां से बहर-ए अज़ा नैहा-गर को मैं

जाती है आजज़ी से मेरी अहल-ए ज़र कि आब

देता हुं मात ख़ाक से एक्सीर-गर को मैं

१०

ग़ुर्बत में रहते रहते ज़माना गुज़र गया

घर मेरा मुझ को भूल गया और घर को मैं

११

क़िस्मत में हि लिखी है जुदाई जब आप से

क्यूंकर मिटाऊं नक़्श-ए क़ज़ा ओ क़दर को मैं

१२

उठती है जिस तरफ़ भि नज़र तू हि रू-ब-रू

तुझ से नज़र बचाऊं तो देखूं किधर को मैं

१३

मायूसि-ए शिफ़ा पे शिफ़ा कि उम्मीद है

तश्ख़ीस क्या करूं मरज़-ए चारागर को मैं

१४

दश्त-ए जुनूं से लौट के शा’एद न आ सकूं

अपने गले लगा तो लूं दीवार ओ दर को मैं

 

Click here for background and on any passage for word meanings and explanatory discussion. John Robert Paul nadir shahjahaaNpuri (1890-1963) was born in a Christian missionary family. He chose to continue to live in India and composed extensively in urdu with a full-fledged divan of nearly 400 Ghazal to his name. Also see his hamd and n’aat-e maseehi posted on this site. He has several Ghazal composed in the zamin of Ghalib, this one in the zamin of ‘har ek se puuchhta huN keh jaauN kidhar ko maiN’.
1
kya ro’uN dil ko aur kya piiTuN jigar ko maiN
barbaad kar chuka huN bhare ghar ke ghar ko maiN   
1.liver (used here to mean – bosom) 2.destroy
What is the use of beating my bosom, crying over my heart. I have already completely destroyed my once prosperous house.

2
aye sham’a1 tere saath bujhooNga sahar ko maiN
dil-soz2 ho gaya huN tera raat bhar ko maiN   
1.candle 2.burnt heart
The poet has watched the candle burn all night long and feels great sympathy for it. In this sympathy, his own heart has been singed/burnt. So, he has decided that he is going to end is life along with that of the candle, when it is put out or burnt out at dawn.

3
uTh kar bhi is jahaaN se uThaauN na sar ko maiN
saNg1-e haram2 samajh luN tere saNg-e-dar3 ko maiN   
1.stone 2.k’aaba 3.threshold
The cornerstone of the k’aaba is ritually kissed/touched by observant muslims. The poet bows his head at the threshold of the beloved. He resolves that even after death (jahaan se uTh jaana is an expression meaning – dying) he will not lift his head from the threshold of the beloved. He will consider it to be as holy as the cornerstone of the k’aaba.

4
aaNkhoN meN tujh ko rakh ke bhi mahroom1-e diid2 huN
jaise keh dekhta nahiN apni nazar3 ko maiN
1.deprived 2.glimpse, sighting 3.eye, line of sight
Even though I have ensconced you in my eyes, I am still deprived of a sight of you. It is as if I cannot see even my own line of sight.

5
is Dar se un se Khat-o-kitaabat1 na ho saki
maktoob2-e shauq3 duN keh na duN naamabar4 ko maiN   
1.correspondence 2.written word 3.desire 4.messenger
The poet/lover is suspicious of the messenger. After all Ghalib has warned all lovers …
zikr us parivash ka aur phir bayaaN apna
ban gaya raqiib aaKhir tha jo raazdaaN apna
He could not correspond with the beloved for fear of handing over a written letter of his desires/love to the messenger.

6
pahuNcha hai le ke aisi jagah1 par junoon2-e ishq3
jis jaa4 taras5 raha huN Khud apni Khabar6 ko maiN   
1.place, stage 2.passion 3.love 4.place, stage 5.thirsting for 6.awareness
The passion of love has made the poet/lover/sufi/devotee so mad that he is in a stage of trance, unaware even of himself. This is the stage that passion has brought me to. Of course this could be applied to the divine beloved.

7
itna to de ilaahi1 keh kaafi2 ho umr-bhar3
khaauNga kitne roz4 Gham-e muKhtasar5 ko maiN   
1.lord 2.enough 3.life-long 4.days 5.brief, small quantity
There is a humorous word play here. Gham khaana literally translates as ‘eating sorrow’ and is used as a figure of speech for accepting/bearing sorrow/pain. He is conflating it with eating for sustenance. Thus, he prays god for at least so much sorrow that he can sustain himself for the rest of his life. In urdu poetic tradition sorrow/pain is valued highly.

8
parvaano1 tum hi naala2 karo, sham’a tuu hi ro
paauN kahaaN se bahr3-e ‘aza4 nauha-gar5 ko maiN  
1.moth 2.cry, wail 3.for the sake of 4.mourning 5.professional mourner
Ghalib writes … “maqdoor ho to saath rakhuN nauha-gar ko maiN” – if I had the means, I would hire a professional mourner to mourn along with me (I have so much mourning to do that I cannot handle it all by myself). Here, the poet calls upon the moth and the candle to mourn because – where can I find a professional mourner for mourning.

9
jaati hai aajizi1 se meri ahl-e-zar2 ki aab3
deta huN maat4 Khaak5 se eksiir-gar6 ko maiN
1.helplessness 2.people of wealth 3.shine, respect, dignity 4.defeat 5.dust 6.elixir maker
The poet/lover is destitute and helpless. His penury is a reflection on the character of the wealthy, because they have not helped him. They have lost their respect because of it. With lowly dust he is able to defeat the maker of elixir i.e., he is at peace with his penury and he has put the wealthy to shame.

10
Ghurbat meN rahte rahte zamaana guzar gaya
ghar mera mujh ko bhool gaya aur ghar ko maiN  
1.displaced, uprooted, exiled 2.long time
It has been a long time since I was uprooted/left home. My home has forgotten me and I have forgotten my home. Could this possibly reflect his loss of home in England.

11
qismat meN hi likhi hai judaaii jab aap se
kyuNkar miTaauN naqsh-e qaza-o-qadar ko maiN
1.separation 2.how 3.erase 4.marks, writing 5.pre-destined fate
When separation from you is written in my fate, how can I erase the marks of pre-destination.

12
uThti hai jis taraf1 bhi nazar2 tu hi ru-ba-ru3
tujh se nazar-bachaauN4 to dekhuN kidhar ko maiN   
1.direction 2.eyes, sight 3.face to face 4.look away
Wherever I turn to look, I see you in front of me. If I try to look away, which way should I turn. This could well have been addressed to god.

13
maayuusi1-e shifa2 pe shifa ki ummeed3 hai
tashKhiis4 kya karuN maraz5-e chaaragar6 ko maiN
1.disappointment 2.cure, healing 3.hope 4.diagnosis 5.illness 6.healer
The most confusing part for me was how to interpret “maraz-e chaaragar”. Literally it means the illness of the healer. That leads to almost non-sensical interpretations of the she’r. I chose to interpret is as ‘the illness which the healer has diagnosed’. The poet/lover is sick with love. The chaaragar was called, diagnosed something and prescribed medication, but the sick poet/lover did not get well. He is disappointed with the cure but still clings on to hope. What can I do about the illness that the healer has diagnosed, he simply does not know anything about the illness of love.

14
dasht1-e junooN2 se lauT3 ke shaa’ed4 na aa sakuN
apne gale laga to luN diivaar-o-dar5 ko maiN  
.wilderness, desert 2.passion 3.return 4.perhaps 5.walls and doors i.e., dwelling
The poet/lover in the madness of his passion is getting ready to leave home and wander the desert like the legendary majnuN. He is not sure whether he will ever be able to return and as a last gesture wants to hug his dwelling and bid goodbye.

John Robert Paul nadir shahjahaaNpuri (1890-1963) was born in a Christian missionary family.  He chose to continue to live in India and composed extensively in urdu with a full-fledged divan of nearly 400 Ghazal to his name.  Also see his hamd and n’aat-e maseehi posted on this site.  He has several Ghazal composed in the zamin of Ghalib, this one in the zamin of ‘har ek se puuchhta huN keh jaauN kidhar ko maiN’.
1
kya ro’uN dil ko aur kya piiTuN jigar ko maiN
barbaad kar chuka huN bhare ghar ke ghar ko maiN

1.liver (used here to mean – bosom) 2.destroy

What is the use of beating my bosom, crying over my heart.  I have already completely destroyed my once prosperous house.
2
aye sham’a1 tere saath bujhooNga sahar ko maiN
dil-soz2 ho gaya huN tera raat bhar ko maiN

1.candle 2.burnt heart

The poet has watched the candle burn all night long and feels great sympathy for it.  In this sympathy, his own heart has been singed/burnt.  So, he has decided that he is going to end is life along with that of the candle, when it is put out or burnt out at dawn.
3
uTh kar bhi is jahaaN se uThaauN na sar ko maiN
saNg1-e haram2 samajh luN tere saNg-e-dar3 ko maiN

1.stone 2.k’aaba 3.threshold

The cornerstone of the k’aaba is ritually kissed/touched by observant muslims.  The poet bows his head at the threshold of the beloved.  He resolves that even after death (jahaan se uTh jaana is an expression meaning – dying) he will not lift his head from the threshold of the beloved.  He will consider it to be as holy as the cornerstone of the k’aaba.
4
aaNkhoN meN tujh ko rakh ke bhi mahroom1-e diid2 huN
jaise keh dekhta nahiN apni nazar3 ko maiN

1.deprived 2.glimpse, sighting 3.eye, line of sight

Even though I have ensconced you in my eyes, I am still deprived of a sight of you.  It is as if I cannot see even my own line of sight.
5
is Dar se un se Khat-o-kitaabat1 na ho saki
maktoob2-e shauq3 duN keh na duN naamabar4 ko maiN

1.correspondence 2.written word 3.desire 4.messenger

The poet/lover is suspicious of the messenger.  After all Ghalib has warned all lovers …
zikr us parivash ka aur phir bayaaN apna
ban gaya raqiib aaKhir tha jo raazdaaN apna
He could not correspond with the beloved for fear of handing over a written letter of his desires/love to the messenger.
6
pahuNcha hai le ke aisi jagah1 par junoon2-e ishq3
jis jaa4 taras5 raha huN Khud apni Khabar6 ko maiN

1.place, stage 2.passion 3.love 4.place, stage 5.thirsting for 6.awareness

The passion of love has made the poet/lover/sufi/devotee so mad that he is in a stage of trance, unaware even of himself.  This is the stage that passion has brought me to.  Of course this could be applied to the divine beloved.
7
itna to de ilaahi1 keh kaafi2 ho umr-bhar3
khaauNga kitne roz4 Gham-e muKhtasar5 ko maiN

1.lord 2.enough 3.life-long 4.days 5.brief, small quantity

There is a humorous word play here.  Gham khaana literally translates as ‘eating sorrow’ and is used as a figure of speech for accepting/bearing sorrow/pain.  He is conflating it with eating for sustenance.  Thus, he prays god for at least so much sorrow that he can sustain himself for the rest of his life.  In urdu poetic tradition sorrow/pain is valued highly.
8
parvaano1 tum hi naala2 karo, sham’a tuu hi ro
paauN kahaaN se bahr3-e ‘aza4 nauha-gar5 ko maiN

1.moth 2.cry, wail 3.for the sake of 4.mourning 5.professional mourner

Ghalib writes …  “maqdoor ho to saath rakhuN nauha-gar ko maiN” – if I had the means, I would hire a professional mourner to mourn along with me (I have so much mourning to do that I cannot handle it all by myself).  Here, the poet calls upon the moth and the candle to mourn because – where can I find a professional mourner for mourning.
8
jaati hai aajizi1 se meri ahl-e-zar2 ki aab3
deta huN maat4 Khaak5 se eksiir-gar6 ko maiN

1.helplessness 2.people of wealth 3.shine, respect, dignity 4.defeat 5.dust 6.elixir maker

The poet/lover is destitute and helpless.  His penury is a reflection on the character of the wealthy, because they have not helped him.  They have lost their respect because of it.  With lowly dust he is able to defeat the maker of elixir i.e., he is at peace with his penury and he has put the wealthy to shame.
10
Ghurbat meN rahte rahte zamaana guzar gaya
ghar mera mujh ko bhool gaya aur ghar ko maiN

1.displaced, uprooted, exiled 2.long time

It has been a long time since I was uprooted/left home.  My home has forgotten me and I have forgotten my home.  Could this possibly reflect his loss of home in England.
11
qismat meN hi likhi hai judaaii jab aap se
kyuNkar miTaauN naqsh-e qaza-o-qadar ko maiN

1.separation 2.how 3.erase 4.marks, writing 5.pre-destined fate

When separation from you is written in my fate, how can I erase the marks of pre-destination.
12
uThti hai jis taraf1 bhi nazar2 tu hi ru-ba-ru3
tujh se nazar-bachaauN4 to dekhuN kidhar ko maiN

1.direction 2.eyes, sight 3.face to face 4.look away

Wherever I turn to look, I see you in front of me.  If I try to look away, which way should I turn.  This could well have been addressed to god.
13
maayuusi1-e shifa2 pe shifa ki ummeed3 hai
tashKhiis4 kya karuN maraz5-e chaaragar6 ko maiN

1.disappointment 2.cure, healing 3.hope 4.diagnosis 5.illness 6.healer

The most confusing part for me was how to interpret “maraz-e chaaragar”.  Literally it means the illness of the healer.  That leads to almost non-sensical interpretations of the she’r.  I chose to interpret is as ‘the illness which the healer has diagnosed’.  The poet/lover is sick with love.  The chaaragar was called, diagnosed something and prescribed medication, but the sick poet/lover did not get well.  He is disappointed with the cure but still clings on to hope.  What can I do about the illness that the healer has diagnosed, he simply does not know anything about the illness of love.
14
dasht1-e junooN2 se lauT3 ke shaa’ed4 na aa sakuN
apne gale laga to luN diivaar-o-dar5 ko maiN

1.wilderness, desert 2.passion 3.return 4.perhaps 5.walls and doors i.e., dwelling

The poet/lover in the madness of his passion is getting ready to leave home and wander the desert like the legendary majnuN.  He is not sure whether he will ever be able to return and as a last gesture wants to hug his dwelling and bid goodbye.

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